Dancing a Jig on the Grave of Microsoft Stores

It happened again. Another Apple competitor bites the dust, sort of. Remember those Microsoft stores built to compete with Apple stores? They were designed to look like Apple stores. The employees dressed like Apple Store employees. They even ripped off the design of the tables at the Apple Store. Worse yet, they placed these stores as close as they could to real Apple stores.

It became a poit of comedy to see flocks of people abuzz in the Apple Store while the Microsoft Store next door was empty and dead. I went to two different Microsoft stores in New York. The experience was painful both times. I barely had time to get situated before an associate would come over to “help” me.

They seemed genuinely elated that someone wanted to check out some of their gear. They seemed like transplants from the Geek Squad at Best Buy. They were full of facts and figures that I didn’t ask for or want. When I tried to just explore the system, they were right there to tell me exactly what I should try. Both times, it took some work to rid myself of the hovering sales person. Both times, some aspect of the system I was checking out didn’t work. The sales people had no answers to questions I actually had.

Those Microsoft Retail stores should be called Balmer’s folly. Steve Balmer was obsessed with competing with Apple. Whatever Apple did, Microsoft would announce and attempt a version of it with a Microsoft logo. Balmer made it clear that Microsoft was not going to cede one bit of ground to Apple.

Those Microsoft stores made me embarrassed for Microsoft at a time when they were incapable of embarrassment for themselves. Balmer was a clown of a CEO. Those retail stores were his big, red clown nose. Balmer is gone. And now, so is Balmer’s folly. Microsoft has announce the permanent closure of their retail stores.

You can read the lengthy PR number from Microsoft if you like. Covid is mentioned once as if it had anything to do with the decision. The Microsoft stores were dead long before Covid. They were dead on arrival. They were the butt of jokes from the beginning. They were such abysmal failures, those stores hardly provided much of a laugh.

The real kicker is that they hung on as long as they did. It was a matter of pride for them. Even at the end, they can’t bring themselves to admit that they are closing their stores due to failure. They opened with the following:

As part of our business plan, we announced a strategic change in our retail operations, including closing Microsoft Store physical locations.

They almost sound celebratory. “A strategic change in our retail operations...” Are you kidding me? Their crap knockoff stores finally got flushed after circling the drain for years. Those stores were the drunk uncle who kept showing up uninvited to parties, and is now 6’ under. You want to shed a tear. But the emotional truth is you’re glad he’s dead.

Don’t expect many Apple enthusiasts to have nice things to say about those Microsoft stores. They were an insult from the start. And we’re glad they’re dead. Rest in pieces!

David Johnson